LOYALISHY*DRENCHED

Today wow! Today is a day that I have to sit here and write because I can’t EVER DARE forget this day! So, if writing adds to this beautiful memory & serves as a way of not allowing me to ever forget it, then I’ll write until my fingers become numb! MY LITTLE SISTER SAVVY IS MY MATCH!!! She is my little savior! God does his thing if you genuinely let him! Before I confuse any of you; I’ll have to go back to more than a month ago! When I was diagnosed with the C for the 2nd time after finishing many months of chemotherapy! I was done on Jan. 30th, 2012 & on the 2nd week of March I was told by my doc that it came back more aggresive, sort of with a vengeance! It was like the biggest slap…it completely caught me by surprise. Sheesh, that was the last thing I would’ve ever thought would sneak into my ear! I was angry for a day or perhaps 2 but then I accepted it because I know for a fact that God brought me through the 1st time & he wouldn’t leave me hanging this time! God is everything to me & I always tell him I need him closer to me & I need to make more time for him! So, this would make us closer then EVER! He allows & brings all these amazing individuals close to me, to give me the highest amount of LOVE & LOYALTY you can possibly give someone! My mom, dad, partner in love, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins&, individuals that aren’t my blood but for some reason I think they secretly do 😉! I got my 2nd biopsy done to remove a mass & that would determine my full treatment. I went bananas over those few weeks after being told that I would have to get a stronger chemotherapy (I prefer to call it a new chemo because nothing is stronger than God) & a bone marrow transplant in order to keep me alive for a long time. Without the bone marrow & only using chemo, the chances of it returning in 3-6 months were really high. Although God had the last say, the docs tell me what they know. My doc also told me that if it were to return he wouldn’t have many tools to help me kill the bitch (Excuse me language). So, I got a 2nd opinion @ Cornell in NY & I got the same news. I was down for whatever would give me a long beautiful life. You have to give to get!!! I was told my chances of having kids after all of this would be about 8-10% & so I tried to save my eggs but it didn’t work out, this shit really made me sad to have to give up the opportunity to be an awesome mom to an awesome kid in the future really sucked. But, I couldn’t stress that more than my life & the potential of keeping my beautiful health! I figured if my faith & trust in God is as huge as I feel it is, then he’ll make that choice for me in the future. I mean that with ALL MY SOUL! So, I started my 1st cycle of treatment on April 8th in the hospital for about 9 days straight. All this time after my diagnosis I had to find my match for my bone marrow transplant! My little sister was the only one that could be my full match in my family! If she wasn’t then they would search the bank in hopes of finding a full match at the bank & also would test my older half sis, mom & dad. They would only be my half matches & could still help me out but not as great as a full match. Listen, I told God to offer me whatever he could & I just wanted to live a long humble life! And here I am today on May 1st a bit sad because I have to return to the hospital for about 6 days & then my mom calls me & flips that BS mood! She tells me that she knew my little 10 year-old sis was born into this world with a purpose & one of her purposes is to be my full match!!!!!! I swear that it was the BEST thing I heard in my ENTIRE LIFE! It means the world to
me because I can now keep my place in this world for sure!!! I AM BLESSED BY GOD ALWAYS even through this; something that someone else would prob think I’m crazy for saying I am blessed for because who wants to go through this! But I had no choice in this entering my life but I decided to ride it out with God!!!

My mom made me cry so many tears when she texted me this:

The hardest thing I was very concerned & nervous about was finding a donor. And now is found. Am totally grateful to GOD that he gave me & pushed to have my little angel Savvy! Already fulfilling one main purpose in my life: saving the life of another one of my Angels…

BTW: shared the good news w/Savvy, n she was totally estatic! As she prayed all the time. And therefore, am very grateful to God, too!

Reading this can only push me to keep riding with God & showing the individuals that support me that what they do is not taken for granted! OH & MOST IMPORTANT SHOWING MY LIL SIS THAT HER SAVING ME WILL NEVER BE FOR THE HECK OF IT, It’s to live this life out til God calls me & it’s no time soon booboos! Lol 😘

I just read my only blog posting that I wrote 5 months ago & it made me emotional! The words I wrote, the fact that 5 months have past & it took me back to that time! Wow…I had to gasp for air after the knot I felt in my chest. I am desperately wishing I would’ve continued sharing through out my journey like I had planned to do. If this one posting shook my world for a minute, imagine what the other postings would’ve done for others & myself. I also read the beautiful comments my family & close ones gracefully placed on my blog & it was the icing; it turned it up a notch to an overwhelming flow of GOOD salty tears. Haha…That was just a glimpse of how much support I received from individuals I will forever cherish & respect for what they offered me during my busy beating up cancer days. I guess God wanted me to have a 2nd chance to share my journey because the cancer came back for another beating. God also was aware that I’m not the complete Zuni I am after & this is just getting me there. You see though, I don’t think it’ll return after this beat down! I can’t find any space nor thought in my mind that it will. This will be the 2nd of many postings, I realized sharing my story spreads courage & humbleness!

So much love,
Zuni